Chamomile Tea, Buddhism and Cleansing.

In the past weeks since contemplating once again on my life and death, and my difficulty on seeing the lighter side of the world, the ups and the downs and my predisposition toward suicidal thoughts I have been doing very well under a strict medicinal time frame. Taking iron supplements also to avoid the malaise which confuses me as to the source of my suffering. Still I have found the continual need for further improvement and in doing so I have begun delving intently into the world of Buddhism.

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I believe strongly now that this might be the path for me.The words of the Buddha have impressed me. His teachings. Already I am feeling a dawning freedom, a liberation. As with my adjusting into Buddhism I have begun the practice of nightly tea drinking. It is such a peaceful event every night. I drink the wonderful, calming and soothing chamomile tea. In some ways it is just as good as my Xanax. Speaking of Xanax, I have begun the slow and steady process of weaning myself off all my mood altering meds i.e. SSRI’s.

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I want a chance to be the real me and live in that flesh again. Feel naturally as I can in all the parts of my ‘Body’. Suicide is not an option. Moods turn. Turning more so. I will keep you up to date on my learning of the ways of Buddhism, as I try to walk the path of enlightenment. Enlightenment! What a proper word. No longer will I be hostage to the dark forces at work in and out of me. I love you all and wish peace and prosperity to all of Mankind! ❤

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Chamomile Tea, Buddhism and Cleansing.

This Day in Emotional Flatness.

 

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Since back on medication I am calmer and more adverse to anxiety and stresses. Pretty damned resilient. However, I’ve been flat emotionally for most of it all too. Aside from mild aggravation at the thought of Trump winning I find myself like some somnambulist  going around without no serious or interesting purpose. Can’t say it’s been a bad day. I find myself suddenly preferring this zen’d out version of me. I can’t live any other way. I would pull my hair out. Still, it makes it hard to proceed with haste while in this state. Haste to what, though? I’ve lived in haste. Melted down multiple times because of it. I guess I’m learning to let Life happen to me. I can’t seem to control any of it. There is nothing to be done. Nothing I haven’t tried before. A lady is what I need. Too incompetent and restrained by my defects [High Functioning Autism] to do anything about it. I got a yen for travel. Maybe I should spend the next decade saving my chump change for a trip. A job is still not forth coming. I am not visible to The Masses. I’m a stealth creature. I fog minds. No one can recollect me. I guess I’m done with this meandering blog. I will probably be up late watching the walls. No thoughts will enter my mind. I’ve already thought of everything there is for me to think of.

Andre The Android, out!

 

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This Day in Emotional Flatness.