I’ve lost a friend. Someone who I had at one point hoped for a romantic relationship. My temper got the better of me and I said inexcusable, horrible things. I am my own enemy. I have not reached out, I wouldn’t dare. I am a man damaged by his own self obsessions. His blood. His manias. I get what I deserve. Last Saturday I burned two reminders into the palm of my hand with a cigarette. Two red eyes that soon will turn white but still discernible I will remember myself. To watch and guard. At any moment a dagger wielded by myself will take me by surprise and I will bleed out. I owe this friend that much. I owe myself for this grievance.