My return to blogging and the change in title is my wanting the aim of this blog to be the focus of my life around my (High functioning Autism) asperger’s. You see, I don’t really have anyone of experience to talk to about it. I got great Facebook friends who are in the same boat as me, but I don’t want to be harassing them all the time. I wonder if anyone with asperger’s also has the experience where you wear the social mask so long that you find yourself alone and start to doubt or wonder on who you really are, before the reality sets in again via whatever type situation. Need to find a group I guess. There is not much in the way of group therapy for asperger’s in Philadelphia, at least from my online searches. All the one’s I see are too far from me. My alexithymia would also make discussing my feelings even more of the challenge. For those of you who don’t know:
“We now have a psychological term, alexithymia, to describe another characteristic associated with Asperger’s syndrome… Clinical experience and research have confirmed that alexithymia can be recognized in the profile of abilities of people with Asperger’s syndrome.” [Tony Attwood]
So it would seem that this is a part of the autistic experience to what height or degree I don’t know. It is so hard, damnable hard to release and not bottle things up when you have no idea what you are bottling up. Probably is why I blow up so much. Why I concave on myself. If I just knew the words. This aspect of my life with autism certainly is where I feel that I can no longer be the ‘I’m not damaged goods, or some handicap!’ type of aspie. This condition of being unable to name my feelings certainly feels too much like a disability for me. On the lighter side, I’m playing some great video games and am still working! YEE-HAW!!! Remember. . . I Love You.